I have this tendency to think too much, to "over-intellectualize", because figuring things out, I have hoped, will fix them. Come to realize that doesn't always work, sometimes the nature of things trumps the why of things. And not everything can be explained.

Like last night, after we got home from Open House at the kid's school and soccer sign-ups, bedtime was already postponed too long, but my kids needed to talk to me. Only me, they wanted Momma. "You'll be cranky in the morning," I told them. "You have a game tomorrow," I said. "Concentrating will be hard for you if you don't get the maximum amount of sleep tonight," I insisted. But they needed to talk, and I had to listen. The nature of curiosity and sadness is this - no schedule, no consideration for what else is going on. And it doesn't matter why.

We put our dog, Terra, down yesterday. I got the kids early from school, told them our 10 year old doggie couldn't walk, wasn't eating, and was suffering. So we spent some time with her before the inevitable vet appointment, and the rest of the day was touch and go. Life went on as usual, play dates, school events, sports commitments. My kids dragged their feet, hung their head, were quieter than usual, but managed to keep busy until climbing into bed. The tears started welling as their minds began to take them someplace where the answers are grasped for and guessed, at best.

What happens when someone dies? What happens to Terra's body now? Can we get another dog? Why do I keep seeing Terra everywhere? Why do people die? Am I going to die?

To which I said, after an hour of painting a fuzzy, beautiful picture about All God's Creatures, "Don't think too much. Dream instead."

Dream about Terra hanging out with St. Francis. Dream about that time she was running so fast and clipped Poppa from behind, causing him to fall hard on his rear end. Dream about how she used to protect you - like when she jumped through the bedroom window screen as two other dogs approached you - and she still will protect you, because energy (like love) does not end, it just changes form.

Don't think too much, dream instead. This is advice I give myself everyday. Because I find, that even when I dream about things I have no right wanting, my imagination brings the internal and external vibrations up a bit. The possibility of positive outcomes becomes greater. If I think too much about what if's or inevitabilities or hypotheticals, my body tightens, my consciousness slips, and prayer or a quick daydream become the rope that pulls me out of a choppy sea.

Some questions I just can't answer, my guess is as good as anyone's. But hopefully, I offered my children a good mechanism for dealing with the unknown. Don't think too much. Dreaming is better.

Blending reality with a manifested daydream...that's how I roll. 

Love you, TerraGirl.