Shark Dreams
I was five years old when Jaws came out. My grandfather took me to see it and typical of my Grandpa, he fell asleep as soon as he sat in a chair ; a chair in a movie theater, a patio chair next to the grill, or the rocking chair in my parent's living room so he wouldn't have to listen to my Grandmother. So I sat in the theater - alone, basically except for the sound of Grandpa's snoring - petrified, but unable to look away from the unintentional Hitchcockian-type scary movie that was based on a true story, well written, and superbly acted.
Today, it remains my favorite movie still. Every Memorial Day, July 4th and Labor Day I scan through the online television guide to see if it is on cable - TNT, TMC, whatever - because I like it more when it is on television as opposed to watching it n DVD or DVR, for the same reason I am thrilled when my favorite song comes on the radio, although I have the CD in my disc changer.
But I digress.
The mechanical shark in Jaws left an imprint in my developing childish mind. I have had recurring dreams about sharks since I was a child. To this day I have these shark dreams when life is plodding along happily and without any joy obstructions. Sometimes these dreams expectedly show up in my REM cycle when stress is pulsing through me quicker than oxygen and reason. I can count on shark dreams during Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, but those are more benign and scientific.
In my shark dreams, I am chased, pursued while water skiing, they appear beneath the surface as I stand on a sinking boat, circle me as I am treading clear - sometimes murky - water, and do their gliding thing all around me as I sail in wooden, white day boats indicative of a New England Cape town.
I love the ocean, but it's inhabitants scare me so much. I can't stay away from the water, but fear for our safety every time I am near it. Sharks, tsunamis, rogue waves, rip currents, random accidents involving sting rays flying into boats...danger, danger everywhere. Two fatal shark attacks in one week on the Pacific Coast - one in my city for the first time in 50 years - and I'm ready to stay in the pool and not go to the beach all summer long.
So last night, the big great white that has visited me so often in my subconscious mind since childhood paid me a dreamland visit again. I was at the beach with my husband and children. I was on the shore, my husband and two of my three kids in the water. I scanned the surface for shark fins, and guess what? I found one.
I dreamed it. I made it happen. I guess you say the seed was planted years ago but I nourished my own nightmare because my mind is strangely quirked that way.
After I yelled "SHARK!" in my dream, and I think everyone got out of the water fine, I said to the shark, "There you are," calmly. "Here I am. Have you seen me now? Am I free to go?" he replied (I'm sure it's a he, it was a male voice I heard). "Yeah. See ya," I said. He swam away, the tail fin making two strokes, "See," and "Ya".
The sharks never get me, or anyone else (well, once my dreams replayed the Quint getting eaten scene when I was 22 years old). They're always just there, reminding me that beauty coexists with caution. Realistically saying to me that worry is my drug, obsession is my fix. And showing me that I don't control everything, however hard I may try. Death is imminent, but not around every corner. So shut up, Sam, dream a happy dream...let the fascination of an awesome creature move you into respect, and let fear swim in the other direction.
I woke up at 3:30 am, like I usually do, and knew I had a choice; calm my mind and go back to sleep, or stay awake, obsessing about this or that, until it was time to get out of bed and get the kids ready for school.
With a sleepy but successful focus, I was able to go back to sleep after my latest shark dream. And after that shark dream, I had a different dream about filet mignon and baked potatoes. I looked into the brown eyes of someone I know in this dream and I said, "I love meat and potatoes," as I sliced pieces of filet to equal the number of hot, buttered, sour creamed baked potato pieces waiting for me. I enjoyed a meal in my dream with no fear of judgement or calories. With no worry.
I still have the 10,000 Dreams Interpreted book I got for my 16th birthday. It sits on a shelf, in three diferent pieces, but still held together by the red and black cover. It was useful to me once, but I don't think I need it anymore.
Today, it remains my favorite movie still. Every Memorial Day, July 4th and Labor Day I scan through the online television guide to see if it is on cable - TNT, TMC, whatever - because I like it more when it is on television as opposed to watching it n DVD or DVR, for the same reason I am thrilled when my favorite song comes on the radio, although I have the CD in my disc changer.
But I digress.
The mechanical shark in Jaws left an imprint in my developing childish mind. I have had recurring dreams about sharks since I was a child. To this day I have these shark dreams when life is plodding along happily and without any joy obstructions. Sometimes these dreams expectedly show up in my REM cycle when stress is pulsing through me quicker than oxygen and reason. I can count on shark dreams during Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, but those are more benign and scientific.
In my shark dreams, I am chased, pursued while water skiing, they appear beneath the surface as I stand on a sinking boat, circle me as I am treading clear - sometimes murky - water, and do their gliding thing all around me as I sail in wooden, white day boats indicative of a New England Cape town.
I love the ocean, but it's inhabitants scare me so much. I can't stay away from the water, but fear for our safety every time I am near it. Sharks, tsunamis, rogue waves, rip currents, random accidents involving sting rays flying into boats...danger, danger everywhere. Two fatal shark attacks in one week on the Pacific Coast - one in my city for the first time in 50 years - and I'm ready to stay in the pool and not go to the beach all summer long.
So last night, the big great white that has visited me so often in my subconscious mind since childhood paid me a dreamland visit again. I was at the beach with my husband and children. I was on the shore, my husband and two of my three kids in the water. I scanned the surface for shark fins, and guess what? I found one.
I dreamed it. I made it happen. I guess you say the seed was planted years ago but I nourished my own nightmare because my mind is strangely quirked that way.
After I yelled "SHARK!" in my dream, and I think everyone got out of the water fine, I said to the shark, "There you are," calmly. "Here I am. Have you seen me now? Am I free to go?" he replied (I'm sure it's a he, it was a male voice I heard). "Yeah. See ya," I said. He swam away, the tail fin making two strokes, "See," and "Ya".
The sharks never get me, or anyone else (well, once my dreams replayed the Quint getting eaten scene when I was 22 years old). They're always just there, reminding me that beauty coexists with caution. Realistically saying to me that worry is my drug, obsession is my fix. And showing me that I don't control everything, however hard I may try. Death is imminent, but not around every corner. So shut up, Sam, dream a happy dream...let the fascination of an awesome creature move you into respect, and let fear swim in the other direction.
I woke up at 3:30 am, like I usually do, and knew I had a choice; calm my mind and go back to sleep, or stay awake, obsessing about this or that, until it was time to get out of bed and get the kids ready for school.
With a sleepy but successful focus, I was able to go back to sleep after my latest shark dream. And after that shark dream, I had a different dream about filet mignon and baked potatoes. I looked into the brown eyes of someone I know in this dream and I said, "I love meat and potatoes," as I sliced pieces of filet to equal the number of hot, buttered, sour creamed baked potato pieces waiting for me. I enjoyed a meal in my dream with no fear of judgement or calories. With no worry.
I still have the 10,000 Dreams Interpreted book I got for my 16th birthday. It sits on a shelf, in three diferent pieces, but still held together by the red and black cover. It was useful to me once, but I don't think I need it anymore.
